The Clapper

To this point, this blog has been concerned primarily with "serious" issues. And an inordinate number of scare quotes. I would like to get away from both of these habits - well, the first one at least - for at least one day.

And so I bring your attention to this outrage.

Don't feel like clicking? Here's the deal: Stubby Clapp, longtime member of Canada's national baseball team, has been denied permission to play in the 2008 Olympics by the Houston Astros, for whom he coaches at the minor-league level. 

Richard Keith Clapp was drafted in the 36th round by the St. Louis Cardinals in 1996 and played 28 games in the majors, all with the Cardinals in 2001. In 25 at-bats, he had five hits, one RBI and no home runs. In nine minor-league seasons - including a stint in the Toronto Blue Jay organization in 2004 - he hit .268 with 43 home runs and 323 RBIs. How did I become such an authority on Stubby Clapp? I went here.

As mediocre as Clapp was, he always suited up for Canada in international events, providing some helpful offence and giving a country not known for its baseball prowess a sense of credibility, by virtue of being named Stubby Clapp. 

That's why the Astros' decision is such a slap (clap?) in the face - the Olympics are the absolute pinnacle for a career minor-leaguer like Stubby Clapp. And did I mention that his name is Stubby Clapp? Stubby friggin' Clapp? It's a name that just reeks of baseball, of dirty uniforms and pine tar and head-first slides. Go ahead and try to find a current player with a better baseball name - you'd have a better chance of identifying a guy whose name sounds like a breakfast cereal.

Guys named Stubby Clapp are good for baseball, and deserve a chance to shine on an international stage. Shame on you, Astros.

PS: (to read a blog by funnier guys who know more about baseball and about writing funny stuff about baseball and sports journalism, go here.)